Tag / #IWillBeOkay

#IWillBeOkay Info

Heart-to-Heart: How I Learned To Be In Peace With My Depression

How I Learned to be in Peace With My Depression
How I learned to be in peace with my depression is probably not the best title for what I’m about to say in this post but in a way I sorta am going to tell you how I accepted my depression, brave through the storm again and again. As I’m sitting here writing this down, I won’t lie to you saying I didn’t thought of ending my life here and now. In the past few weeks the suicidal thoughts are strong. I have never felt like this since my first wave back in 2015. This time I’m defeated and I don’t know what I can do to brave through it like I did before.

I’m always honest about my battle with depression and how I feel about it. Depression is beautiful. This still stands. It is only beautiful once you accepted it and understand it. Despite how awful depression makes me feel everyday, I still think it’s beautiful and God has bigger plan for me.

Depression is not just a blank, it has all kinds of intelligent things happening within it … Depression is an unsatisfied state of mind in which you feel that you have no outlet. So work with the dissatisfaction of that depression … It has all kinds of answers in it, but the answers are hidden. – Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche


Unsatisfied state of mind

I’m angry with myself for this because what Chogyam said was true. I’m angry that I’m raising awareness on depression, telling people to love themselves more but here I am, self-loathing like there’s no tomorrow. I failed to educate myself. I start to understand what Chogyam said now. When something is unresolved, we keep going back to it again and again, thinking about why. It is only you resolve the issue then slowly the depression leaves. What I’m going through in my life now that causes the depression doesn’t have any resolution. I just have to go through it no matter what. That is why it makes the healing process slower and harder for me this time around.

I know most people are angry at depression. I’m never angry at depression. I only feel sad because the mind work that I’ve been working on so hard has all gone down the drain. It doesn’t matter how high my IQ or EQ are. When depression hits, I am back to square one.

The wisdom behind having depression is that you see some things clearly. I question the purpose of me in the life. I tried to change a certain part of my life each time depression hit. But the downside about questioning your life is that when you can’t find the purpose of you in this world, that’s when the suicidal thought came. I have thought of a 101 ways to end my life. I even dream about it.

Have I truly accepted my depression yet? I thought I did. Now I know it’s not fully. My experience with depression in the current wave is so much different than what I’ve been through before. Sometimes I breeze through it in a day, sometimes a week but no matter how long it takes, I always feel better and well. It has nearly come to a month and I’m still feeling hopeless. This time depression hits me hard. I’m allowing myself to dwell and heal. It doesn’t matter who I am. I am where I am now. Back to where I was, questioning about me, life and everything else.

I have come to make peace with my depression because that fella will stay no matter I like it or not. Although I know exactly what to do when the wave come but I am still a human afterall and sometimes I fail to do what I needed to do.

So this is me, accepting my depression, acknowledging it. Because it is only through acceptance that I am able to heal.

This is also me, announcing that I will be on a hiatus from Street Love. If you see an update on Facebook that means I’m back. Until then I am taking some time off to storm through the current depression wave. I can’t promise you that I’ll be back stronger. But I can promise you I’ll be back. That’s for sure.

Stay beautiful Street Lovers ❤ xoxo


#IWillBeOkay Info

Heart-to-Heart: Living With Depression

Living With Depression
10th October was World Mental Health Day. I posted something on my Instagram a day before that but I have been quiet about it here. I’m raising public awareness on mental health especially on depression through #IWillBeOkay ‘Fight Against Depression’ Awareness Campaign and I find it odd that I’ve been quiet about this important day.
Reason being, I fell back in depression.

I thought I had recovered. I haven’t fall into the depression hole since March 2017. I was happy, extremely happy. I was surrounded by good friends, I was busy with work. I was happy. Genuinely happy. But I was having anxiety attacks that I’m not even aware of. I remember my birthday 29th September just last week that I was out celebrating with friends. Everything was OK up until one point of time I shut down and needed to leave immediately. It is only the next day I realized that I had anxiety attack. I haven’t had any anxiety or panic attacks for quite a while so I didn’t realize that I was having one. That explains the need to get away from the place, situation and people asap. Most people are curious but never dare to ask me about life living with depression. I guess what they are curious are, how do you get on life with depression.

#IWillBeOkay Beauty Box Review Charity Love Face

Love Face X #IWillBeOkay: Now Open For Purchase

Love Face X IWillBeOkay 1
Surpriseeeee! Maybe not 😛 . I mean, you already know I am launching this limited Love Face X #IWillBeOkay collaboration box ever since I mentioned it on my Instagram. I wanted to have another beauty bag/box after the last beauty bag for campaign #2 and I know planning for one would take 3-6 months time so I asked Love Face if they would collaborate with me and it’s a YES. If you’re still wondering who and what is Love Face, you may read all about them at this post, which I’ve written not long ago. Basically Love Face is the one and only website focusing on all Taiwanese beauty brands. Their main focus is sheet mask and so our collaboration is a box full with sheet masks from Taiwan.

#IWillBeOkay Charity Event Health & Fitness Health & Living Lifestyle Sunday

#IWillBeOkay X Clinelle Shape Up Metafit Post-Event: The Most Relaxing but Intense Campaign #4

#IWillBeOkay Shape Up Metafit 1
With a blink of an eye, #IWillBeOkay is one year old now and has entered into its 4th campaign to date. I have an aim of running a campaign every quarter but right after my #IWillBeOkay Trail Hike ended, I got a call from Clinelle asking for a collaboration. Immediately I went into planning mood. I already knew what I want as I have spoken about it for so long, even before the trail hike event. Clinelle was looking forward to “re-introduce” their Hot Body Shaper Cream and my fitness event fits the bill.

The event was supposed to happen in April, a month after 3rd campaign ended. But due to the venue issue, it was postponed to early May. Still not too bad. And since this 4th campaign happened so early, I had more time off now 😀 . Planning this Metafit event was way easier than planning a full-on outdoor event like the trail hike because of many reasons such as people management, safety, goodie bags, T-shirts and so on. Due to bad experience from the last event whereas 3 sets of goodie bags and meal was stolen, I took everyone’s advice and charge a minimum fee this time. The fee of RM35 per person is not even enough to cover the coach fee, brunch and the advertising I put on Facebook as well as Instagram. And because there is a charge this time, people are reluctant to sign up unlike the last event. Let’s not even get to the part where I get a lot of sh*t from people asking for medal, cert and many more.

#IWillBeOkay Charity Event Health & Fitness Health & Living

#IWillBeOkay Shape Up Metafit Training: Registration OPENS! 6 May 2017, Monster Fit Gym PJ at 10.30am

#IWillBeOkay Shape Up Metafit Training
Many of you know that I run but I think not many of you know that I am also into bodyweight HIIT training as well. In fact, I sort of slowed down my running for HIIT training. And the kind of bodyweight training I am into is not the normal version but rather a more intense workout named Metafit. I spoke about having regular Metafit session for my #IWillBeOkay ‘Fight Against Depression’ Awareness Campaign for so long. Even way before I started planning for #IWillBeOkay Trail Hike event. Because the trail event needed a lot of planning so that took off first.

Initially I am skipping the coming quarter (June) campaign as I am drained out from the last event. However when Clinelle asked to collaborate for an event for their Hot Body Shaper Cream, I jumped onto the opportunity. Hence this #IWillBeOkay Shape Up Metafit Training. Clinelle Hot Body Shaper Cream AND Metafit is a perfect combination!

#IWillBeOkay Charity Event Health & Fitness Health & Living

What Went Down at #IWillBeOkay Trail Hike Event – The Highs, Lows, and The Drama

#IWillBeOkay Trail Hike 1
Wow. I cannot believe it has been a month since #IWillBeOkay Trail Hike event was held. Everything happened so fast! The idea to have this event came right after I ended my 2nd campaign, which was the #IWillBeOkay Beauty Bag. Then the sourcing for sponsorship starts after I made a call to Ariff to ask him if he would lead the runners for my event. He said yes and I started making plans. Comparing to the beauty bag, this was much more easier as it does not involved a lot of sponsors or rather no key sponsors at all that I need to answer to. Everything was down to me and what I want basically.